Wednesday, March 7, 2007

A strange feeling....

Dear all,

For some strange reason I woke up this morning with this really peculiar feeling. A strange sense of self doubt that I couldn't get rid of.

Just after midnight my two beautiful boys had come to sleep in the bed with me, and when I rolled over and saw them I realised how lucky I was, and I stopped to gaze at their sleeping faces for a while.

I got out of bed and went to sort out breakfast. I normally have left-over pizza, but today that just didn't seem right. I wasn't sure what I should have but I knew it had to be low fat and low carbs. I didn't have anything like that in the fridge so I had some fruit instead. Then I opened the freezer and ate the last three Mini Magnums.

I went to have a shower, and for some reason I just couldn't get myself clean. I had to wash my hair twice, and leave the conditioner in for 15 minutes. When i got out of the shower I spend another 15 minutes looking in the mirror. I used three different towels getting dry, but finally I got out of the bathroom having applied some of every different cologne and deodorant I have. I even put gel in my hair, which I normally never do.

Then I couldn't decide what wear, and I got very conscious of how tight my pants were around the waist. I did a second trip to the mirror to try and see what I looked like from behind.

After trying on 3 different shirts I phoned Chris, who said he was having a strange morning too. He had an important meeting and was wearing his suit to work. He was no help but finally I settled for my Van Huessen shirt. When I tried on the shoes I wear every day, I realised how scuffed they were, and decided that today I'd skip lunch to look for new shoes on special.

For some reason I paid special attention to the kids' lunches and even wrote them a little note with a picture of a loveheart telling them how special they are.

I made them breakfast and woke them up. Whilst they were eating I turned on morning TV just as the celebrity gossip section came on. I couldn't believe the way they treat Angelina Jolie over her Vietnamese adoption; it's just terrible it....it brought a tear to my eye. But she is a bit of a stuck up bitch, and I bet those lips are full of collagen.

Finally I got the boys dressed and then spent 10 minutes freaking out looking for my car keys. Then I realised my phone battery was flat, but I didn't have time to charge it so I stuck it back into my pocket.

When I dropped the boys off at day care I was really torn -- I felt like quitting work to spend more time with them. As I drove off with this feeling I couldn't put my finger on, I flicked on the radio and heard something that made it all become clear.....

Today is International Women's Day.

So to all my wonderful sisters......you go girls!